Anger is a normal and usually healthy human emotion. When anger is controlled, or managed, it will not cause you, or anyone around you, any harm. But when it is out of control it will become destructive. Uncontrolled anger is a major cause of conflict in both personal and professional relationships. Domestic abuse, road rage, divorce and addiction are just a few examples of the effect of mismanaged anger.

Anger is an emotional state which may vary in intensity and which is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; Your heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, adrenaline is secreted at a greater level.

Anger is caused by your own perception of events, whether that event is happening now, or in the past, or you are anticipating a future event. It is important that you understand this fact. You create your own anger. You may be stuck in a traffic jam or have missed your flight... but "it" did not make you angry... You did.

You will no doubt have wondered how some people remain calm no matter what life brings to them whilst others "blow" or "flip" at the slightest thing. The difference is that some people have learnt to manage their anger, whilst others have given in to it.

You have probably watched "Fawlty Towers" and laughed at Basil's antics. But isn't the entire series based on taking off mismanaged anger and frustration? And the exaggerated body language demonstrates beautifully the actual effect of anger; raised voice, jerky movements, clenched fists, and...a direction for the anger;...usually Manuel or Mrs Fawlty!...And the disastrous results that are achieved reflect the destructive effect of uncontrolled anger.

There are three main ways in which people deal with their angry feelings; Expressing, Suppressing and Calming.

As Mr Fawlty ably demonstrates, expressing in the form of lashing out is not usually appropriate. Expressing in an assertive manner is, however, very healthy. This produces a negotiated and positive result. You can learn to express what your needs and desires are, and to achieve pretty much what you want, without hurting others.

You can learn to suppress anger. This isn't a good idea if you simply turn it inwards onto yourself, causing hypertension, high blood pressure, depression, mood swings, etc. Instead, you can learn to convert the anger into a different emotion and behaviour. What starts off negative becomes positive and constructive.

The best way of all is to learn to control your own internal response to things that previously triggered anger; to learn to control your body rather than letting it control you. To learn to slow your body down rather than letting it speed up. The purpose of anger management is to learn how to change the way you react to your "anger triggers". You can't change external events, but you can change your emotional and physiological reactions to them.

What can Roseanna do to help?

Roseanna utilises hypnotic suggestion, NLP techniques and positive visualisation to assist in controlling your anger.

Firstly, it is important to learn to relax. This is easy if you know how, but difficult if you don't. You will be taught simple relaxation which you can practice regularly, thereby "bringing you down" a level or two, and so less likely to respond to anger triggers.

Secondly, it is necessary to explore the way in which you think and learn how to change that. Angry people tend to speak in raised voices, swear, move jerkily, etc. They see big pictures in their minds eye (usually in dramatic techni-colour) of what they don't want to happen and respond to this self-created image. Angry people often talk to themselves with nasty, aggressive voices and chunter away to themselves about the unfairness of things, or how life is against them, or how unlucky they are. Roseanna can show you techniques that will enable you to turn the volume down on these internal voices, speak in a nicer tone and to see nicer pictures in your minds eye; i.e. to change your instinctive response to these triggers.

One must explore whether his or her overall belief system in flawed. For example, if you believe that you "always" have bad luck or that such and such "never" comes your way, you will not notice when things are going well; You've programmed yourself to only see the bad. And when bad things happen, you've visualised your own angry response, etc. Thus, it is important to explore and alter wider belief structures about yourself and your world.

Anger is often induced by very real problems and frustrations. If you have a belief structure that says you can handle anything no matter how bad it is, you will respond positively to the situation, and search until you find a solution, without becoming angry. You will therefore stop the tendency to jump to negative and inaccurate conclusions. If, on the other hand, the belief structure of "nothing ever works for me" comes into play, angry feelings are triggered and the result is negative in every way; you feel angry, stopping yourself from finding the solution and additionally compounding the problem.

One's expectations must be examined. Are they realistic? Many angry people simply expect too much or want something "right now" and then get angry when the impossible doesn't materialise. It is important to restructure such expectations and give them a "reality check".

A feeling of inadequacy or insecurity is frequently the heart of the problem. (A fear that you're not good enough, for example). This feeling is then redirected (either consciously or subconsciously) into the emotion of anger, as this angry feeling prevents you from feeling hurt. Thus it is important to change this belief structure as well; to feel that you are good enough in every way. Anger may also really be directed at oneself, but projected outwards onto another (usually someone close to you).

Balance is of course the goal state to be achieved. Balance between passiveness and assertiveness, balance between work and relaxation, balance in terms of mood, rather than being subjected to mood swings. Positive strategies towards real problems need to be learned, as do positive beliefs about yourself.

The good news is that you are not born angry. This is a learnt response and so it can be unlearned and replaced with a different strategy which works for you, instead of against you.

To summarise, Roseanna can help you to:

• Understand your anger and what triggers it
• Get rid of negative methods of dealing with anger and replace these with appropriate and effective methods
• Learn to use an anger event as an opportunity to convert insecurities and negative beliefs into self respect and positive beliefs
• Understand the roles of negative belief structures and their effect on your behaviour and experiences
• Learn to relax
• Learn to laugh at things
• Learn to trust others and be less defensive
• Improve your listening skills and see and hear what is really happening
• Learn to forgive the people/events that used to trigger your anger
• Learn to be happy and enjoy life with a positive, constructive outlook.

When you are ready to control your anger, simply call Roseanna on 670303 to make an appointment. Please note that even when calling during office hours you may still be connected to an answerphone as Roseanna may already be in consultation with a client. Please do leave a message and your call will be returned as soon as possible. Alternatively, you can e-mail Roseanna here.